Jan 04 23

January 4th 2023 · 346 words, 1 minute read

New year, new me.
What a load of bullsh!t.

How much could someone really change in a few days or weeks?

Home.
Finally.
Phew!
Sigh of relief maybe?
Not.

Home doesn't feel like home anymore.
I don't know.
Too many unfamiliar faces. Too many unfamiliar people.
The human brain associates home with familiarity.
And this does not feel like home.
It feels like work.
When you're at work, you look at the clock ticking, and you think, "When will I get the fvck out of here?"
That's what this feels like.
Strange.
It's strange how things can change within a span of a few weeks, or months, or years.
Strange how everything can become so unfamiliar.
It's like experiencing everything for the first time.
Again.
But it doesn't feel the same way.
Not like the first time.
It feels different.
Like you don't belong here.
Not anymore.

Perhaps it's time to find a new home.
Yeah.

Home is where the heart feels at peace. And tranquility.
Not unsettled. Not disturbed.
Not anxious.

The world is in a race.
Everyone seems so busy, chasing after something.
Money, work, careers, material things, love, happiness.
I don't belong in the race anymore.
I've put on many miles.
I need to step out, and let the others keep running.

Has anyone really found what they were looking for?
Nobody's asking the important questions.
After 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, 50... has anyone really found what they were looking for?
Has anyone really settled down and quit running?
Or is everyone still chasing after something?
"If I get this, I'll be happy."
No you won't.
You'll never be.
Look at those who came before you.
History.
Did anyone really find what they were looking for?
Did they quit running and retire?
No.
When they got what they wanted, they only wanted more.
Never satisfied.
A million dollars is never going to be enough for you.
10 mil won't either.
Not even a bil.
Look at Elon Musk.
Why is he still running?
Why hasn't he retired?

Ask the big questions.

I need to retire.