Jul 14 22
My life has become an empty shell.
I feel empty inside.
I miss the fun, the excitement, and the bliss that came with living in the moment.
I don't live in the moment anymore.
I'm living in the future, so when it comes, I'll be prepared.
The future looks bleak at this point. Hopefully a ray of sunshine will pass through the clouds of hopelessness and clear this aura of desolation.
I don't feel alive anymore. I'm not happy. I'm trying to be. But I'm not. Because the things that used to make me happy, the people that used to make me happy aren't there any more.
I came to the realization that I was being screwed over, that I was being led on, by strings, like a puppet. And if I didn't put an end to it, I'd be miserable in the future.
So I distanced myself from the people that I couldn't trust, and inevitably, stopped doing the things that made me happy, because the two were correlated.
The irony here, is that in a bid to prevent being miserable in the future, I am miserable now. The only way to fix it, as far as I can see, is to go back to what I was doing before. But I don't want to do that because a lot of people have been expecting me to do that.
I'm sacrificing my present for a future that is unknown.
There are a lot of people in this world who are doing that. They just don't know it yet.
I don't have a solution for this. I'm still working on it.
But I'm afraid that if and when, I figure it all out, my time will have run out.