Mar 18 23

I am dispensable.
I wish I was not.
But I am.

I tried to fit in.
I tried to belong.
I tried to be one of them.

I do their jobs.
I run their errands.
I do stuff for them.
I'm just someone they can use.

But they don't care about me.
They saw me everyday.
Then they stopped seeing me.
One day.
Two days.
Three days.
Not a phone call.
Not a message.
Not a knock on my door.

Nobody came to check in on me.
They probably didn't even notice I was gone.
Or maybe they did, but, again, they didn't care.
What difference did it make if I didn't show up?

If I was gone, someone else would do my job.
When they were gone, then somebody else.

I thought we had some connection, but it was really just business. They needed to get their work done, and if it meant playing nice, faking smiles and flattery, then that's what they did.

It's a thankless world.
A thankless society.

Everyone's too busy in their own worlds, dealing with their own troubles, fighting their own battles, losing, yet surviving.
Nobody's got time for anyone else.
You do you.
I do me.

It's a selfish world.
There are no friendships.
Guys working in the same company have no chance of seeing each other, let alone talking, unless they're in the same department, assigned to one task.
People walk in, do their jobs, and leave.
People working on different floors rarely encounter one another. Then again, there's no time to catch up and converse.

All these visions, missions and statements - useless.
Truth is, nobody gives a fvck about anybody else.
Everyone's just struggling to survive, to keep afloat.
And if it means dunking your head underwater so they can avoid sinking, so be it.

There are no dates.
Only checklists.
Are you handsome? Good looking? Earning well?
Do you have a car? Your own house? A retirement fund?
You think you're going out, but what you're really doing is sitting through a recruitment process. How many boxes do you tick?
Everyone has a list of requirements, and expectations.
If you can't fulfill them, you'll be ghosted.
Relationships are a business dealing.
Marriage, is a lifetime commitment to pay your premium, in exchange for some company.