Oct 31 22

October 31st 2022 · 214 words, 1 minute read

"What now?"
"It's Roy!"
"What happened?"
"He's being a sensitive little b!tch!"
"Again?!"
"Again!"

Hi.
I've been feeling soft, weak, emotional, needy and desperate lately.
Then again, when have I not?
I feel like every time I write something in my diary, it's just about me feeling weak and sad and emotional and all that.
When's the last time I wrote something happy?
I can't remember.

Nobody wants to be around someone who's always crying and whining and p!ssing and moaning all the time. It's draining.
There are things that happened that I just need to internalize and deal with it on my own.
I can't talk about them. I can't share them. I can't cry on anyone's shoulder.
It's all on me.
It's my mess to deal with.

I need to be strong.
I need to be reliable again.
There are things that need to be taken care, jobs that need to be done, and I cannot afford to be weak and emotional when the time comes.

My brother isn't going to be happy if he sees me in this state.
I'll be seeing him in a few weeks. And I need to get my head straight by then.
Or pretend. I need to learn to pretend everything's okay by then.