Olive branch

One sunny day, I checked FB message and saw Vani trying to reach out to me. I felt nicely surprised and rather upbeat seeing that news. It begins like: her sister is tidying up the room and sorting through old stuffs, and she found a letter written 14 years ago (it was 2009? Or 2010-ish, I think). She was thoroughly touched by that... and feeling nostalgic, she reached out to me via DM. She said fondly, "it was an affectionate letter".

I replied with "oh! I forgot about the content, I just remember that my handwriting there is really pretty". A bubbly statement. In reality, I still remember the content (or the summary of it) rather vividly. The tone was hopeful: it states about the optimism of college freshman life, the sheer well-wishing of the year ahead, and the kindness and warm welcome I found on the student of the faculty (looking back, this sounds high on caffeine af and mindblowingly WEIRD. What a naive, joyful youngster; the person who wrote those paragraphs).

I think I can differentiate it clearly now: while I feel glad about seeing the news (ah, a new variation on the daily occurences), I don't think that I could be friends with her again. I still couldn't forgive her over the victim blaming sentences that she spoke (on text) a decades ago. It doesn't sting anymore, the hurt have been cauterized thoroughly I think. I'm not picking over the scab, I don't put much attention on it. It just goes by, just like that. So, no. That's nice of you for reaching out. But I'm not the same bubbly, the joyful protagonist that you used to know for years. The olive branch was received, but then I put it inside the cracks on nearby tree I passed. And I'm not looking back.